This Orientation Is More Than Sexual

I was filling out some form the other day when I came across the field for ‘sexual orientation.’ I thought: where does this term come from? I’m attracted to men for much more than just sex. Heard of romance? emotional support? love? My “sexual orientation” is usually actually “oriented into a dude’s ass.” Where’s the tick box for that?

As much as they avoid talking about it, the Puritan people of this country are weirdly obsessed with sex. With great sexual dysfunction comes great sexual obsession, I guess. Maybe if attitudes about sexuality weren’t so regressive and miserable, Americans would be more satisfied and more chill. This country really DOES need to get laid.

Why my orientation gotta be reduced to just ‘sexual’? Sure, there are slutty wild-oat phases of life where, my orientation might be just sexual, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I resent being reduced to a sex object by this reductive term ‘sexual orientation.’ As if that’s the only thing I could be interested in men for is sex. I’m categorized by my bits and my prefered partners bits, not my heart nor my brain. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex, but my sexual orientation is just a small part of my romantic orientation. My romantic orientation is much more interesting and multifaceted than just how I like to get jiggy with other humans (which is interesting and multifaceted, don’t get me wrong). ‘Romantic orientation’ includes emotions, hearts, love, and boxes of chocolate.

OK Call to action. When I see ‘sexual orientation’ somewhere, I’ll strike it out and update it to ‘romantic orientation.’ If I see the term homosexual, I’ll correct it to homoromantic. I’ll use these terms in conversations. When someone asks my sexual orientation I’ll correct them: “I’m not sure you really want to hear about my various lascivious orientations at the orgies, but I will tell you that I am romantically oriented towards the menz, being homoromantic and all.” Not because sex is shameful (it isn’t) but because my orientation is more than sexual. I hope you will feel called to action too.

P.S. True story: after writing this ,I read about the ‘homophile’ social movement combatting discrimination of gays in the 50s and 60s. They too didn’t like the focus on sex with the term ‘homosexual’ but preferred the focus on love within the term ‘homophile.’ Cool!

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